Numb and Spaced Out

Content warning: this post contains a brief mention of domestic violence as well as drug use.

Written by a Ventura County young adult.

Throughout my life I always told myself I would never try or be peer pressured into using any type of drugs or alcohol. My story began when I met an ex of mine. I was super head over heels, and in that moment I would have done just about anything for that person. Shortly after, I got pregnant and I was drawn into a domestic violence relationship. As hard as it is to share my story, I believe anything is possible. The relationship and abuse got so bad, the only way we could get along was by smoking wax which is worse than marijuana. I felt like it mellowed his mood down. In my case it made me feel numb and spaced out.

I honestly just wanted to feel numb to all the pain I was feeling and not see reality for what it was. I started depending on it because being spaced out would take away the physical and mental abuse I was going through. One day I did so much wax, I felt myself starting to faint and couldn’t catch my breath. It was the scariest experience for me and so bad that I couldn’t even function. I was a zombie, and I knew if I kept going down that path it would get worse for me.

The next day it hit me: I was numbing all these feelings and I was deteriorating myself inside and out. My children were suffering because I was there physically but not mentally. This was not the life I wanted for me or my children, so I stopped and I left the relationship. It was difficult, but one of the best decisions of my life.

I want everyone to know that one time can lead to a lifetime of damage mentally and physically. I believe if I kept doing what I was doing I would have lost everything I worked so hard for. Using any type of drugs leads to stronger drugs and you run out of money and start thinking about what to do just to make more money to get your needs met. So, you’re not thinking rationally.

I share my story today to shed light on someone who knew nothing about drugs, was a well-known softball player and just entered the wrong relationship. My advice is don’t try anything to be cool or be pressured into doing something that isn’t worth your life. You can be the best version of yourself. If you feel depressed or your emotions are all over the place, don't turn to drugs. You can get help in a healthier way.