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Gender is Fluid

coming out gender lgbtq+ mental health queer Jun 13, 2022
Written by a Ventura County high school student.

I still do not understand what my gender is. I do not know if I am nonbinary, gender fluid, genderless or have a set gender. To be honest, I think it really depends on the day. Some days I feel more feminine, others I feel more masculine. It depends but I have no concrete label for it.

In my Instagram bio and all the other places that ask for my pronouns, I put she/her. I use it the most and I am comfortable with those pronouns. It was what I was born with and I do feel as though identifying as female does feel right. She/her causes no confusion, it is easy and perceivable when one looks at me. I do not mind being called a girl. 

She/they also feels comfortable. I like having the female pronoun but I also feel that sometimes I am not a female. These pronouns make sense but also do not. Being referred to as "they" seems normal to me and to many of my peers. I do not mind using the pronoun "they," in fact, I really like it. I think I am worried to use this set of pronouns around my family and older generations. My mom still has a hard time grasping that "they" can be referring to one person. She does not fully understand nonbinary or genderless people either. Although these pronouns seem comfortable, I do not know if I could handle being mispronouned by my mom every other day.

They/their/theirs is another option. It seems okay and all but I think I prefer using a female pronoun. It's what I feel most comfortable using and is most me. These pronouns are amazing for those who identify with them and I am proud of you. 

They/he or he/his are pronouns that I do not think I identify with. I just do not feel as though they suit me like the other ones I listed above. Although sometimes I feel more masculine, I still feel as though I am female. I know for right now that I do not identify with any male pronouns, but it could always change in the future.

After going through and asking myself which set feels more like me, I still have yet to decide. I know that is fine. I know I do not need to have a definitive label on my gender. I am comfortable with anything but male pronouns right now. I will still continue to use she/her until I decide it is time for me to change. She/her is a place setting; it may be there now but it may change eventually. 

Whatever gender you choose, it is beautiful and it is uniquely you. Do not let others tell you what gender you are or what your pronouns are. It is okay to not know what gender you are, I am still dealing with that to this day. Gender is not binary, gender is a construct that was put in place to put people into categories. There is nothing wrong with not knowing or knowing fully what you identify as. 

Gender is something to test and play around with. Figure out what feels right to you. It could be one gender one day and another the next. Gender is fluid.