Alcoholism: From the Perspective of the Alcoholic, Interview 3

Written by Kidra Avery, a CSUCI Service-Learning student.

“There is risk, it’s serious, you will lose friends. People will die, but you’re not alone and if a time comes that you need help, there are people there for you.”

Rachel is a long-time friend of mine. She and I were in the same dance class as adolescents, and then attended and graduated from the same high school 1 year apart. We didn’t become friends until our 20’s, and it’s been an amazing friendship full of great memories and insightful conversations. She currently resides in Southern Oregon, so our interview was held over Zoom on November 4th in the afternoon. Since I have known Rachel for so long and she’s been sober since 2015, which we’ve had multiple conversations about, I was able to be more relaxed with this interview and I feel that she became my key interviewee. 

As usual, Rachel comes from a family of alcoholics. Both her mother and father are alcoholics, along with her mother’s sisters and their mother (Rachel’s grandmother), and her father’s brother and their father (her grandfather). She started drinking alone when she was 12 years old. Her father left his liquor cabinet unlocked regularly, and while she knew that liquor was for adults, she also knew that it made her father silly and fun to be around. Her parents also got a divorce when she was 12 years old, which sheds light on her reason for wanting the drink that made her father “silly.” 

Her idea of an alcoholic was the stereotypical idea when she was younger. Her uncle came to mind, as did the cliché idea of the unhoused man wearing gloves, shaking, with a bottle of booze in a paper bag; always drunk. As time progressed and a realization that she had a drinking problem advanced, her definition of alcoholism/alcoholic evolved. “Once they start, they can’t stop. When they drink, they cannot control how much they drink,” she said. But of course the progression of the disease must happen prior to making a change. 

In high school, she and her friends would drink at least once a month. But it wasn’t having just one drink; she would specifically drink to get drunk. She loved the freedom it gave her. All of a sudden, the sky was the limit and walking in the middle of a 4 lane highway seemed like a good idea. They would decide on a designated driver, and every once in a while it was Rachel. Her idea of 1 drink at the time was 1 red solo cup full of vodka and a little juice so that it could be called a mixed drink. That progressed until she was drinking once a week and then scattered within the week until she was about 17 years old and it wasn’t light and fun anymore. She briefly touched on a memory of pulling the trigger of an unloaded gun pointed at her brother. Thankfully no one was hurt. Disgust with herself and despair also progressed because she tried to quit drinking but couldn’t understand why she couldn’t drink like a “normal person.” 

“Some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, swearing off forever…” (pg 31, AA Big Book). Rachel loosely quoted this in our interview, and I felt it necessary to do the same. Two weeks before her 21st birthday she had an epiphany: she needed to stop drinking altogether. Her boyfriend at the time was the only external reason to stop drinking, because he was struggling with a heroin addiction and was contemplating suicide. They made a pact that they would both quit their drug of choice and do better. She stayed sober and joined Alcoholics Anonymous about a week into her sobriety, and has happily attended ever since. October 15, 2015 is her “AA Birthday,” which is a fun way of saying sobriety date. They celebrate each other’s dates within their meeting spaces once a month.  

As stated previously, drinking wasn’t fun anymore. And letting go of alcohol was like saying goodbye to an abusive best friend. It had become dark and real. One of her male drinking buddies within her group of friends passed away. While he was driving home from the Mariposa Fair on the windy back country roads, drunk, he lost control and was killed on impact. That was the initial wake up call to her and her friends; this drinking problem only gets worse. As she gained her sobriety, some of her other friends followed suit. Two friends went to rehab facilities, and two others have tried. The rest of their group of friends has continued drinking. She suspects their drinking problems have gotten worse; logical thinking. And she has chosen not to keep in contact with any of them. That part of her life was left behind completely, along with the people in it. 

When I asked her what she would say to her 12 year old self, or what she would tell adolescents to deter them from drinking, she responded as follows. “There is risk, it’s serious, you will lose friends. People will die, but you’re not alone and if a time comes that you need help, there are people there for you. When you’re still enjoying it before it’s progressed, it’s very unlikely that someone will quit, before it’s doing some real damage. So I wouldn’t necessarily tell someone ‘don’t drink.’ Planting the seed that, if it does become a problem, there’s people that understand.” That question is a trick question. From the view of the “normal drinker,” the alcoholic should be telling people to never pick up a drink. But instead, across the board, the alcoholic will respond by saying that they’re thankful for recovery and nothing will stop an alcoholic from becoming an alcoholic. 

When an alcoholic drinks, their state of mind is changed; it’s called “obsession of the mind.” It truly is an obsession. Nothing is going to stop an addict from getting their fix, not a dying mother, pregnant wife, or cirrhosis of the liver.  And no amount of willpower or moral value will change that fact. The stigma should be dropped according to Rachel, and I agree. It’s something that can’t be controlled, like depression and anxiety, which I’m sure many of us have felt at some point. After the interview (I have permission to comment on this), we conversed about the alcoholic forgetting the pains that come with alcohol. The mind becomes obsessed even after resolutions have been made; the mind almost immediately forgets them. We compared this to childbirth. We all know that the pain of childbirth is unimaginable, and yet people who give birth forget the pain as soon as they see their brand new baby. Minds have the ability to do incredible things when they want something.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, visit SafeChoicesVC.org for resources in Ventura County. 

Citation:

• W., Bill. Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1976.